Getting to hear kind words that mean the world to you or getting that compliment out of her just to boost your day up is all you need. If this is what the case is you need to ensure to return back that favor by glorious praises on your partner at every gained opportunity. So what you think is going to be her reaction: ‘She will feel so happy and loved!’ you might think this to yourself.
However, you need to understand that your partner experiences this is a whole new different way. She gets a sense of pleasure in you walking her dog or helping in feeding the dog, taking out the garbage and helping her pay bills. Hence, avoid showering her with verbal compliments, as it actually silently gets her angry about the garbage that hasn’t been taken out yet.
This is also a similar case with close friends and family. For example, your mother has worked hard to get you a gift for your birthday and it is quite surprising that even after receiving loads of presents from her it does not make you happy. There is the reason why sometimes you miss out on understanding each other especially when it comes to love. It is a simple concept:
We are all different people and the way we give and receive love is done in unique ways. When your own unique way of expressing love is different in comparison to your partner’s, family or even friends, this makes us like ships passing by at nights. In other words, your expressions just end up sailing past each other without causing any desired effect. As per therapist Gary Chapman, There are 5 fundamental ways to express love and this will help you improve your relationship greatly. Chapman further adds that this is a simple idea but when you apply this to your life it changes and brings about a whole new meaningful relationship between two people.
As per Gary Chapman’s research, he decided to listen to 15 years married couple voices and all different versions but all the concerns were pretty much the same. He learned how people communicated with love in different languages. One of the spouses had a reaction of ‘I don’t feel like my husband loves me anymore’. But the conclusion that was derived out of this research was that couples were expressing a frustrated desire. So Gary was intrigued to ask himself this question ‘When someone says my spouse doesn’t love me anymore, what does he or she want?’
This got him to the theory that these unhappy couples had their very own dominant way to experience love and naturally expected a similar love back in return. As per his theory, he broke down his finding on emotion expressions of love into the below mentioned 5 categories:
- Quality of time (enjoy complete companionship)
- Physical touch (the body’s being in contact via touch)
- Words of Affirmation (Acknowledge in a verbal form)
- Receiving gifts (Considered as Token of Love)
- Acts of Service (Doing tasks for each other)
Working hard on your relationship by understanding the dominant language is important and worth it. It is recommended to go through a bit of trial and error to figure the issues that are going wrong in your relationship rather than having to break it off completely. In life, it always easy to break a relation but to mend it back and maintain it is what you need to learn to live with after all.